Idiots

It is truly amazing how many idiots you run into on a daily basis. Some of you may be thinking that I am one of them, but the idiots I have run into today have been exceptional. I was buying something at a STORE, where a SALES CLERK was ringing my purchase. He scanned my items into the REGISTER, and hit TOTAL. The total was $15.51. I gave him $20.51, which would yield a $5 bill in change. He typed into the register the amount that I had given him and the change due amount popped up on the little screen, as well as printed on the receipt. He then spent at least two minutes trying to figure out what my change was. He checked the screen, then the receipt, the the screen again. He sat there and thought about it again, and then asked me if I wanted $5 in change? Hmm, let me think about it. No, maybe I'll just give you a tip, moron. It seems to me that someone working at a store, whose sole responsibility is to ring up items, collect money, and count change, would be able to figure out something as simple as this. His name was Ambroz. Dinkwad!

On my next misadventure of lunchtime, I went to get a sandwich at a little shop by my work. Their sole responsibilty at the sandwich shop is making SANDWICHES, correct? Well, the kid that decided he could help me was truly an idiot. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a Roast Beef and Provolone Chiabatta with lettuce only. Is that hard? NO! He got a chiabatta roll out of the designated drawer and looked at it for a while. He didn't know how to cut it. DOI! So next he started to gather the meager ingredients for my non-complicated sandwich. He was about to start assembling my food, when one of his coworkers gently reminded him that he needed to toast the bread. He smacked his greasy forehead with his gloved hand that is supposed to be handling my food and said "Oh Yeah!" So he put the bread on the little grill and closed the lid. Then he stood there like a bump on a log while it toasted. I am pretty sure that I learned how a toaster worked when I was 4 years old, meaning that I know that when something is finished toasting, its pretty hot. This kid apparently did not learn that lesson. He grabbed the bread off the toaster with his bare hands and threw it onto the counter, then blew on his hands because he burned them. So not only did I have the grease from his forehead to contend with, I also had his germs from his mouth about to touch my food too. He finally started to assemble my sandwich, but had to stop to ask someone else which one of the cheeses was provolone. He put together the rest of my sandwich and sloppily wrapped it in wax paper. I took it from him paid for it and left before I got any more pissed. You may be thinking, maybe he was new. No, I have been in there before and have seen him so I know it wasn't his first day. IDIOT!

The last thing that I had to mention in my pissy, too-pregnant, hot and uncomfortable rant, is how hilarious it is that the people that I work with always forget how to work the security door. In order to get in the door, you have to scan your badge, then type in your four-digit security code. I learned that on my first day, and have never had any complications with it since. There are people that have been working here for decades that still can't figure out the door. Its amazing how many people try to walk in the door without scanning their badge at all. The number of people who forget to enter their security code is staggering. People leave their badges at home all the time, they mistype their code, they do all sorts of stupid things with that door. And guess who is the one that has to let them in the door when they are idiots? Yep, you guessed it, its me.

Okay, now I must apologize. I am sorry that I am so ornery. I don't mean to be, its just that I am so sick of being the size of a whale, hot, uncomfortable, sleepy, and made fun of, that I get snippy, snooty, snotty. Never doubt that I love you all and I know that none of you are idiots. We lucked out in that department in our family.

Baby Update

No news. Nothing is moving. Uh-huh, zilch. Nothing. Dad told me to get up on top of the kitchen table and jump off and land flat-footed. Isnt' that sweet?

Ahh...revenge is sweet

A couple of nights ago I was outside talking to my next door neighbor. As we all know there is no lack of mosquitoes in our neck of the woods, they are abundant and that night was no exception. As we were talking, the mosquitoes hung around and I thought to myself "We ought to go inside but I never get bitten. What's the hurry?" After seeing my neighbor keep swatting them away, we decided to call it a night. The next day, I looked at my legs and from the knees down, all I saw were red dots. I had Mark count them and guess how many??? I have 29 bites on my left leg and 25 on my right leg. These don't include the few that I have on my arms. Yeah, they never bite me. I would love revenge, I thought. I drink about a gallon of Diet Coke a day. I thought there is my revenge. As they were feasting on my blood, they received caffeine. They were hyped up for awhile and coming down from the high, they fell to the ground exhausted and died. Ahh...revenge is sweet.

People Need to Mind Their Own Business

I went to pick John up from work yesterday. He works at a do-gooder call center and everyone that works there is all concerned about the environment. I was sitting in the car waiting for John for maybe two minutes when this alternative looking girl comes up to my window. She asks me how long I am going to be letting my car idle because the greenhouse gases omitted from my car are very harmful to the environment. She apparently failed to notice my enormous pregnant belly. Well, I looked at her sweetly and smiled, then said "Look honey, I am nine months pregnant and it is over 90 degrees outside. I am going to sit inside my air-conditioned car while I wait for my boyfriend, rather than risk my health and the health of my unborn child by getting heatstroke. So why don't you go back to your gastronomical coward vegan lunch contained in that non-biodegradable plastic bowl and mind your own Bleeping business." I felt much better after that.

A Golden Girl Passes

Loved ones, join me in my grief as I mourn the passing of my favorite Golden Girl, Estelle Getty.

No Baby Yet

I am counting d0wn the days till we have a new baby.So far, nothing. Doctor says, not even close. Perhaps we should start a pool. The actual due date is August 14, but I am hoping and praying I don't go that long. I am jsut about through with this pregnancy thing. Those of you that have done it more than one, are crazy. I am sure she will be worth it when she gets here, but I am hating life right now. I'll keep you all posted.

Is it wrong to want to sell the kids??

The other day I needed to get ice for a Young Women activity. So I stopped at Walmart. First mistake. I had all three girls. Second mistake. I didn't need a cart but Kayla insisted. Third mistake. Hannah wanted to get in the basket with Kayla. Fourth mistake. I wanted to look around for a moment. Fifth mistake. (Does anyone see a pattern?) As we all know every stinkin Walmart has a McDonalds and every kid wants McDonalds and my girls are no exception. Kayla and Hannah started fighting. First mistake on their part. I told them if they didn't stop fighting they were getting NOTHING. Well, they didn't. Second mistake-once again on their part. In frustration, I headed for the check out. With nothing in the cart and still needing the ice, the girls asked why we were standing in line. I told them that I was going to sell them to Walmart. Sixth mistake. Kayla and Hannah started to cry and Hannah asked, "If they won't take us, can we still get McDonalds?" Smart girl.

Finally an Invite

Hello family. Okay, so Mark finally extended me an invitation to share in the blog. I have been waiting a great deal of time. I feel so special. So if you wish, you may read my profile and share in my happiness. Take care family.

update on the wood family

Hey fam! Hope all is well with everyone. Just wanted to let everyone know that we will be out of town from the 16th to the 26th of July. Jen-don't have your baby!! If you need to get ahold of me for any reason, call Mike's cell phone 652-3368 He will have to check it once in awhile. You had a fab fourth of July. We spent some time at the Wood Cabin and in Park City. We went down the Alpine Slide and the Mountain Coaster. They are both an absolute hoot. Mark-we will have to take the girls one time to do that. They would love it! Anyway, don't have much else to say. Just wanted to get in touch. Love you all! Melissa